"It's All About Sharing the Pain"

Stephen Ministers often discover that their Stephen Ministry training comes in handy in other areas of their lives. Consider, for example, the case of Jane.

In her five years as a Stephen Minister, Jane has had four official care receivers. But she has also had a number of opportunities to care for people informally using the knowledge and skills she received from her Stephen Ministry training.

"In the course of my daily life I meet so many other people who just want to tell me their stories," Jane said. "My Stephen Minister training helps in talking with them. It's very much a part of my life."

Because of her professional background, which brings her into contact with many people from various walks of life, a friend told her several years ago that she would make a good Stephen Minister, and eventually Jane decided to give it try.

Of the four people she has formally provided care for, two were from outside her congregation. In fact, they were from entirely different denominations. For Jane, that's part of the beauty of Stephen Ministry.

"The focus of Stephen Ministry is God's caring love, not particular denominations," she said.
In each case, Jane has been impressed by what she calls "the awesomeness of the relationship" that develops between a caregiver and a care receiver.

She explained, "When you go to meet someone for the first time, you're nervous and you ask yourself, 'Why am I doing this?' You pray on the way there. But I always come away feeling that they gave me more than I gave them. The feeling is so strong I'm almost embarrassed about it sometimes. But it relates to God's presence in the relationship. I find it interesting how the caregiving relationship transcends boundaries that might not be crossed in everyday life, how you end up working with people you might not otherwise spend time with. That says to me that it's God-intended. He is definitely there."

One aspect of Stephen Ministry that has been particularly significant for Jane is the way in which it has taught her to listen carefully to what people are saying about their needs. She's learned that the need that initially brings a person into a Stephen Ministry relationship is not necessarily the one that most needs to be addressed.

She said, "With each of my care receivers, the problem that led them to request a Stephen Minister later proved to be just a part of other related issues. The primary concern they mentioned was not really the main problem or the source of the deepest pain in that person's life."

Because of her training in listening skills, Jane is now able to listen with a more discerning ear and to delve deeply beneath the surface to discover what lies at the core of a care receiver's pain.

"The more you do it, the more you begin to understand that what people really need most is just to be listened to," Jane said. "You begin to realize that you can't do anything yourself to help this person. God is the curegiver; he gives the help. Your job as a Stephen Minister is to be there and to listen."

Though this kind of caring may take some time, the rewards for both the care receiver and the caregiver are great.

"Being a Stephen Minister has enriched my life tremendously, which is not what I thought would happen when I started doing this," Jane said. "I thought I'd be doing something to help others, but you can't go into any relationship like this without being enriched yourself."

Working with care receivers isn't the only rewarding part of Stephen Ministry. Jane finds the interaction with her fellow Stephen Ministers to be quite a benefit as well.

"Sharing and caring with the other Stephen Ministers and getting to know them is wonderful," she said. "When we started our training together, we didn't know one another at all. Gradually, during the course of the classes, and later during our Supervision Group meetings, each of our own stories started to come out. We started to develop a closeness that wasn't there before."

A common element in all those stories, Jane noted, was pain.

She said, "Every Stephen Minister I've known has had some deeply moving experience they had to work through in their own lives that eventually brought them to Stephen Ministry. I think that's what helps us reach out to other people and makes us good Stephen Ministers. We've experienced pain ourselves, so we're better able to help others get through theirs. Stephen Ministry is all about sharing the pain."